I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know
by dreamingofadifferentworld
Summary: "I've been to heaven, I've been to hell. I've been to Vegas and god knows where but nothing feels like home, like you babe." - Jimmy/OC. FREAKSHOW.
1. Chapter 1

**Jimmy Darling POV.**

I stepped out onto the side street, pulling my second mitt on as I did so. A quick look around to make sure that no one had seen me leave before making my way down the road. I was sick of sneaking around like this. Being someone's sex puppet at every little desperate housewives style party wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I mean, sure. I enjoyed it during the moment but as soon as that moment was over, all I felt was empty. This town held nothing for any of us. No one had any sort of hope whilst we were here. We needed to get out. I knew it. And I knew I'd have to talk to my mother about it as soon as I got home. But it didn't mean I couldn't put off going back to that little trailer dump for a few hours.

"Dandy, what are you doing? Get off of me!" an unusual voice reached my ears, my head shooting to the direction of the sound. A car was slowly creeping up the sidewalk, the people inside causing more of a racket that the flash engine. "Just let me out here and I'll walk! I'd rather that than being left in here with you for any longer!" A petite blonde girl stepped out onto the pavement the very moment that the car pulled to a stop, her light peach skirt flapping around her knees in the wind as she pulled a matching coloured cloche hat over shiny blonde locks as she pulled a white cardigan around her bare pale shoulders, meeting across her neck over her crisp white blouse.

"How dare you walk away from me!" A tall, priss looking boy got out of the drivers seat of the car, following the girl as she began to walk down the road. I moved slightly, into the shadows, following the pair quietly as the boy tried to catch up with the blonde. "You will listen to me!" he shouted, grabbing a fistful of the girls cardigan and ripping it from her body. It was when this happened that she started to run, her hat flying off her head and her skirt clinging to the fronts of her legs as it flailed behind her. It was then that I knew that I'd have to get involved. Keeping a low profile did not mean allowing harm to come to an innocent girl. I quickly ran behind the buildings adjacent to the road until I knew I was a little far ahead of the girl and her chasing assailant. I quickly walked across the road, straight into the girls path. She instantly collided with my chest, her head turned sideways as she'd clearly been looking behind her to see how far ahead she was of the boy who'd been chasing her. She looked up at me, her dusty hazel eyes shining bright in the moonlight. She was unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Her pale skin dusted with freckles across her small nose. Her perfectly chubby cheeks rosy from the rush of the wind. Her plump, pink lips pursed into the most beautiful little 'o' shape I'd ever seen. But those eyes. Those large, round eyes. Surrounded by so many long black eyelashes. They were so big, almost like something you'd see in a cartoon strip. They were so beautiful. She was so beautiful.

"Alright there my friend, perhaps you'd like to hand the little lady over to me now." I instantly looked up to see the boy referred to as Dandy, standing in front of me. His hand outstretched towards the girl, who had since tucked herself even further into my chest, her beautiful eyes now looking back at the boy who'd been chasing her. I slowly lifted my arm up onto her waist, as a barrier between her small frame and the odd-looking boy ahead.

"Why don't we let the little lady herself decide where she wants to go?" I spoke, my voice finally breaking the crisp night air. My eyes fell down once again upon the little body that was now slowly releasing my body slightly from her tight grip, relaxing against my arm.

"I want to go home." she spoke, her unusual voice finally registering in my brain. English. She was English.

"Come on then, my love. Let us go and leave this stranger." Dandy spoke, a smirk across his face as he looked up at me for a moment.

"To be perfectly honest with you Dandy, I think I trust this man more than you, and do not call me your love. I am anything but." I smiled lightly as she spoke, looking down at her once more. Despite her innocent appearance, this girl clearly had some sass within her. My eyes travelled down her face as she looked at the boy in front of her for a few moments.

"Right." he spoke, clearing his throat for a moment. My eyes flashing back to his face as he rearranged his jacket on his shoulder before staring at the girl once more before his eyes flashed to mine. "I'll be off then." he snapped before turning on his heels as walking away in the direction he had been chasing the girl moments before.

I felt her release a deep breath as she gently moved out of my body. I dropped my arm to allow her to fully step away before she looked up at me once more. She was about 5 inches shorter than me, at least. Her bare arms already showing signs of the cold night air as soon as she'd stepped away from me. "Here." I instantly spoke, removing my black leather jacket from my body and gesturing it towards her.

"Oh no, I couldn't." she began before looking into my eyes. "Thank you, so much. You didn't have to come over, I really appreciate it. But you don't have to worry about me, I only live a short walk away. I'm sure I will be fine." she smiled, causing me to smile back straight away.

"Don't be silly. I'm not going to leave you out here. Now, take the jacket-" I said as I placed the warm leather around her shoulders, her soft hair brushing against my hands. "-And I'll walk you home." I finished, causing the girl to smile up at me. I could see the relief in her eyes at the idea that she was not going to be left to her own devices this late at night. The idea that she felt safer with me than on her own, causing a feeling inside of me that I had never before experienced. Some sort of warm in my chest that I could not properly describe. I moved my body next to hers as she began to walk and we made our way down the road, side by side.

It took a few moments for the girl to speak, not an uncomfortable silence, just a peaceful one. Though, I had to admit that I was happy to hear her voice. "So, do you usually walk around late at night?" she asked, instantly causing various emotions to rush through my head before I knew what I had to say.

"No. I was just dropping something off for a friend and now was the only time I could, as he works during the day." I fabricated, a unpleasant feeling arriving in my gut as though from telling this lie.

"Oh, well what a good friend you are." she smiled and I couldn't help but chuckle. "I don't normally get out of people's cars late at night in the middle of the street either." she said, a sigh escaping her lips as we continued walking. "I'm new in town and don't really know anybody. My Aunt was approached by Dandy's mother, saying her son wished to take me to the movies. My Aunt, wanting to be some successful socialite instantly said yes. And so, here I am. Little did either of us know what a weirdo he was, though. And I do not know why I am telling you all of this." she began chuckling, shaking her head. "Sorry, you probably don't want someone you've never met to start complaining to you about her problems. I'm sure you have some of your own." she finished and I couldn't help but laugh.

"You have no idea." I stated before shaking her head a little. "But really, I don't mind. It's nice to talk to someone new for a change. I've been stuck in this little town myself for a few months and already, I'm wanting to leave it all behind." I spoke before realising what I was saying, stopping myself and hoping she didn't ask any questions.

"This is me." she stopped walking and I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that I didn't have anymore time to get myself into trouble. However, sadness suddenly overcame me straight after as I realised that I would never see this beautiful piece of innocence again. "Thank you, again." she said, passing me my warm leather jacket back, a lovely smell of fresh linen and cherries overwhelming me as I took it. She smiled at me once more, causing me to smile back, before she began to walk down the pathway to a large, posh cream house. I looked down at my leather jacket for a moment.

Do I ask her name? It would give me the small chance I have of seeing her again, some more hope. Do I ask her?

I looked up to see her just as she reached the door, suddenly during round. "I'm Lily, by the way. Lily Belle." she smiled her soft voice travelling through the wind and slowly washing over me. I couldn't help the grin from taking over my face as I watched her walk through the front door into her home.

"Goodnight Lily Belle." I whispered, pulling me jacket over my shoulders and allowing her scent to engulf me before I walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to those who reviewed, subscribed and favourited! This chapter will follow the main story lines but sway slightly in details as to allow my new events to happen. I have decided that the majority of the story will be in Jimmy's POV but I will obviously make it known when the narrative shall change. Enjoy this little chapter :) Thank you again.**

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><p>"Why don't we just leave Mama? Get a little farm, we can grow our own. We can survive!" I began to shout at the bearded woman in front of me. It was as if I was admitting to rape, the way she stared at me, shocked out of belief.<p>

"Elsa looks after us, boy. She cares for us, gives us a home. We have a family here." she spoke, turning her focus back to the bowl of dirty dishes in front of her. "No way we could get a little farm. What would the locals think? You don't seem to realise, when you walk around in those gloves of yours, talking to whoever you wish. You're just like the rest of us. So what if you can hide it with some fabric? You think you can be normal? You think because you can talk to a girl without scaring her, that you can have a normal life? Wait until she sees your hands."

I rolled my eyes, storming out of the caravan we called home, turning around to look at those around me. Some of what my mother had said was right, at least. We were a family, there was no denying it. Even the twins, they'd been with us less than a weak and I'm damn sure not one of us would say we didn't care about them. And maybe, in the past, freaks had stayed with freaks. But that wasn't to stay things won't change.

"You still thinking about that girl, then?" Paul's voice awoke me from my daze and I whipped my head around to stare at him, confused.

"What girl? There ain't no girl." I protested, beginning to walk off towards the show tent to prepare for the evening.

"Don't you like to me, mate. I saw you come home last night and I saw that look on your face. I've only ever seen it once before, so I know what it means." I paused in my steps, remembering the night Paul was referring to.

"That was a long time ago, a lot has changed. I'm not so interested in that stuff no more. We're all that matters." I lied through my teeth as I continued walking. I knew he could see right through me, everybody could. Hell, I'd just been shouting about a normal life and here I was pretending that I didn't want it. It was all so fake.

"What was she like? Was she like the other one?" he asked, walking a few steps behind me as I continued on my way.

"I hope not." was all I muttered.

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><p><em>Charlotte, North Carolina - 1947.<em>

_"Come on Jimmy!" Mama called to me as I drifted behind the others as we walked through the town in front of us. It was a typical start to our stay in a town, we'd done it for as long as I could remember. Elsa had us walk, all together, through the centre of the town in broad daylight. Just to stir up a buzz and make sure everybody knew that we were here. When I was younger, I enjoyed the attention. It made me feel like a movie star. People would stop and stare as you walk by. It wasn't until I was thirteen that I realised they weren't staring in awe or interest. Now, at , I knew what they were thinking. We were freaks._

_I saw a small girl standing at the side of the road about twenty feet ahead, she must have been about fifteen years old. Her pale skin and bright blue eyes stood out amongst the rest of the dusty, dull crowd. A dark brown hat on her head, small red ringlets hanging down from a few places as she watched in awe. She was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, at the time. "What's that look for?" Paul nudged my arm gently and I couldn't help but allow a small smile cross my face as my eyes fixed on the girl ahead as she became closer. I watched as her piercing blue eyes travelled down my body until they reached my hands. Her face scrunched up and she turned away. Not before I could see one word leave her lips. "Freak." _

_It was then that the smile fell from my face. She was just like the others. Of course. They were all the same._

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><p>I stared into the audience at the bare seats. "I thought you said this was going to be a full house?" I questioned my mother as she helped prepare backstage.<p>

"I said someone bought out the show. How am I supposed to know who's coming or not?" she muttered, scuttering around to fluffy Meep's feathers and prepare Elsa's microphone. It was then, that the curtains opened, exposing those who had bought out the show. An elderly woman, with red hair falling in waves down her back. Someone shuffling behind her as she began to walk down the aisle, her long blue dress dragging along the floor ever-so-slightly. It was then that I saw the figure behind her. It was the boy from the other night. I quickly stepped behind the stage curtain, looking around for the nearest exit onto the field and lurching for it without a seconds thought.

Once the outside air hit my face, I relaxed slightly, allowing a large sigh to leave my lips. Although I knew I'd have to find somewhere to go whilst the show went on, I couldn't let Elsa or anyone else find out what I'd done the other night.


	3. Chapter 3

I slowly walked back into camp, having spent the last two hours walking around in circles in the nearby forest. I quickly scanned over every tent, just to make sure nobody could see me. That way I'd have all night to plan my excuse as to why I wasn't at the show. I noticed the twins tent door flap slightly as a shadow dipped inside. I squinted my eyes for a moment, stopping my moments all together and focussing my hearing to the best I could. It was then that I heard a faint sound. "No, please no!"

I started running for the girls tent, stopping short just outside as I listened closely. A small rustle bought my attention to the tent the other side of me, there stood Paul, Eve and Suzi. Due to their lack of confusion as to why I was stood outside the twins tent at this time, I assume they thought I had simply been woken by the sound of Bet and Dot's cries as they had. I gestured for them to wait as I listened once more. "You're gonna rot in jail, you little freak. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it 'freaks'?" That was all it took for me to step inside and make my presence known.

"Don't call us that." I commanded, standing tall and crossing my arms across the chest. The large cop in front of me chuckled slightly as he stood up from his position of putting the girls in hand cuffs.

"I'll call you whatever I like." he smirked before stepping closer to me. "Freak." I clenched my fists as the man stepped back slightly, turning to face the twins as they stared, terrified. "You two are coming with me." I whistled loudly, causing Paul, Eve and Suzi to enter the tent behind me. "What are you gonna do? I'm taking the girls." the cop spoke once more, this time with more anger than amusement as he watched the four of us stand our ground. I could feel my temper rising to a dangerous level as I watched the man in front of me. He stared at us with such distain, as though we were nothing but a pile of dog shit on his shoe. He went to move towards Bet and Dot, causing me to move in front of him once more. Paul following me to create a complete block between the cop and the twins behind us. "Move out the way, _freaks_." the large man spat, causing me to explode.

"DON'T CALL US FREAKS!" I shouted, ripping a knife out of my back pocket and jamming it into his throat. The second that blade hit his neck, I felt relief. I felt the release of all my anger, flowing out of me just as the blood flowed out of him. He fell to the floor in a thump as I watched, my heart pounding in my chest. I took no time to think, bending down and taking the cuffs key out of his pocket and moving to unlock the girls. Dot watched my face closely, I could feel her eyes upon me. I knew she liked me. I had seen that look before on other girls when I was hiding my hands in my leather gloves. A look of wonder, of adoration. She was the only one to have ever looked at me that way, despite my disfigurement. Maybe mother was right, maybe I should be with someone like me.

My mind wandered back to the girl from the other night. Lily Belle. However, my thoughts ended just as soon as they began. Paul tapped me on the shoulder and I turned to see Eve, already with the cop shoved into a wheelbarrow. "What do we do?" Paul muttered, gesturing to the body and I just stared back at him before my lips parted.

"I don't know."

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><p>I didn't know what I was doing. I was too confused and emotional and everything was such a blur. One moment I was at the camp, making chopped liver out of some ass of a cop, now I was walking down the street from the other night. My eyes travelled around to each house as I searched for something familiar. I wasn't sure of what to expect, if I would even find what I was looking for. All I knew was that I needed to feel how I felt the other night. I needed to feel something human, because all I felt was robotic and still. Almost unhuman. Relief washed over my body instantly as I noticed that same broad white door from the other night. I stopped behind a nearby tree, looking up at the first floor windows, hoping to catch just a glimpse of that blonde hair or those deep hazel eyes. Anything to make me feel something other than emptiness. I stared for a few moments before movement behind one of the windows curtains caught my gaze. A slim figure fluttered about the room, moving in an almost dance-like state, causing a smile to creep up onto my lips.<p>

"I know, my mothers quite amusing when she dances." a familiar voice snapped me out of my stare, causing me to turn around and come face to face with the girl I wanted to see.

"Lily Belle." I stuttered and she chuckled. "W-What are you doing out here?" I asked, pulling myself together slightly and standing up straight, adjusting my jacket around my shoulders with my gloved hands.

"Seeing as you're the one staring into people's windows, I'm thinking I should be asking the questions here." she chuckled once more, causing a smile to creep onto my lips once more. Those this one was much bigger than that of a few moments ago.

"Honestly? I was hoping I'd see you." I smiled, a small blush creeping up onto the girls cheeks in front of me. "Now, answer my question." I insisted, wondering why a young girl would be outside at such a time.

"Honestly? I was hoping I'd see you too." she smiled, catching my eyes with her gaze, causing me to feel every single human emotion possible all at once. Exactly what I wanted. "But not to worry-" she spoke again before stepping back and gesturing to her outfit as she did a full turn for me. "I dressed for the night air, this time." she chuckled, her long black cardigan flapping in the air around her white blouse and her long, pale green skirt reaching her ankles where two little feet were clad in white socks and small black shoes. "I mean, I suppose I could have done better but a girl's still got to look desirable and all." she joked, using her fingers as quotation marks to indicate she was simply repeating words that had been drilled into her from a young age. I smiled once more, before a rush of courage came over me.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" I asked, instantly being taken aback by my own words. It was the middle of the night and I'd just been caught staring into her windows. Of course she doesn't want to go on a walk with me.

"I'd love to."


End file.
